“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said “Here am I. Send me!”
So I admit, Isaiah was a little drunk on the love of the lord when he threw his hands into the air proclaiming that he should be the one that is sent. He asked God for how long and the big G-O-D said “until” and left it at that. I too, like Isaiah, threw my hands into the air when the time came but unlike Isaiah I know when my “until” will be and currently its a little less then six months from now. It is the half way mark for I and the other YAVs and gosh what a six months it has been. Being a Korea YAV/YAV in general has had a pretty big impact on my life, my hopes, and my dreams. There has many days where I actually question my sanity. With that being said, there has been days filled with rainbows and unicorns but also there where those days where the whole sky looked like it is going to come crashing to Earth in one fit of hell fire and brim stone. But since you are reading this it would be safe to assume that the sky is still in it rightful place. Now now too the good stuff shall we……
Coming to Korea has pushed me to the limits of my comfort zones.
I write this hoping you, my lovely reader, has been keeping up my blog post if not it perfectly okay. Looking back ,it feels as if I came here a life time ago, each week its own month, and each day a week yet I am still standing firm. It seems like my blog has become a place for venting all of the horrid things that happened in Korea’s past. The list of ugly goes on and on yet there is still a beauty in all of it. Strange as it sounds out of all the issues I have learned out here in Korea it took until I was god-honestly tired of hear and learning about the suffering of another peoples for me to full understand what it means to empathize. I felt like I had reached my limit of caring for another calamities. Who would care that I had stopped caring. I am just one person and life will go one. Then it all clicked; someone would care if I stopped caring even for one moment. I had spent so much time reminding myself that I know that other people feel this too that I had forgotten that that is the point…other people have felt this and yet they still pushed for acknowledgment of their cause. Their pain is real, and they care that pain with them every step of the way. Their pain is worth my caring. It is the least that I can do. The calamities of our lives our not just our own. It is my responsibility as a participant in the human experience to connect to others by any means.
I know there is only a few beliefs besides death I hold to stand True with a capital T. The first is the belief that it’s all building towards something. Everything in our lives, no matter how big or small, well informed or miss guided, left to chance or well thought out, it’s all for something. We all know that every person on the face of this Earth will suffer at some point. We knew there will be times of unmeasurable joy, love, heartache, and hurt we also know that we will all eventually die. But at the end of the day, its all going to be worth it. The second is the belief that with all that knowledge I will not say “This is not my Life” and nor should anyone else. Our actions have meaning good or bad and it is for that reason that is worth trying to do better. Always do better. If I had any doubt about my ability to live up to my highest hopes, that belief in self-worth makes failure an option. I am not looking for an exist anymore, I want to fight like the war just started but love like it has already ended. I can’t pretend that I can live my life by philosophy radical honesty but sure will try.