Guess who still alive and blogging! This girl right here! So it has been quite sometime since my last post and a lot has happened since then, so bare with me on this one!
First things first
I and the other YAV’s are down to our last four weeks here in the land of the morning calm. That’s right folks…oh how time flies while paradoxically standing still. I personally have many mixed feelings now that the time for my departure from this place grows ever closer. One emotion I can clearly identify is that of sadness border line lost. Strange you may think…its not life or death. I will not be truly losing anything of importance simple because everyone will still go on living their lives once I am gone. But here in my point in the matter, that way of thinking is simply not true. There are so many people that have made a real impact on my life and vise versa. My time here is almost over and I will now have to leave them. In essence it is almost like a death or some real lost that we all will feel. It would easy for me to say its okay I will see them again someday but I am prone thinking realistically when it comes to relationships. I know in my heart that for a good number of the people I have grown to love here in Korea, these last four weeks will be the last we truly see of each other. This seems really pessimistic of me but think about…really truly think about it…..and you will know too the feeling of lost I am coming to know. With that being said I know there are a few friends I have made that I am more then sure our friendships will transcend the globe. This brings about another point I want to make;what is the meaning of friendship. I will not be the one to claim I know the perfect means to a perfect friendship but what I can say is that ..it takes real work and sometimes one party is not as willing as the other.
I can’t help but think of all the times in the ten months when I was asked to give thanks. I also can’t help but thinking about the times I was not… in fact…. thankful. Korea has been and still is a question of… am I really thankful for this time I spent away from the people I love and the world I knew; I’m I grateful for the apparent sacrifice I made? In fact yes….I want say yes I am. I am so thankful for everything this year has given me and yet there is still a shadow of a doubt within my mind.I want acknowledge that and put it out there that is a small part of myself did this year for selfish reasons. I will not lie on that matter. That withstanding I feel that we are all guilty of this sin of selfishness. All to often we forget that a lot of what we do is for personal gain clothed as selflessness. It is within our nature to do selfish things to better ourselves and say sorry later. This is why I will not let myself be full thankful for this year in Korea, not until I can give back twice as much as what this year has given me.
I leave you with this:
I want my words to be like iron in your spine, for there will come a day when the weight of the world will rest solely on your shoulders and in that moment you will know why you still stand.